The Guardian • Issue #2082

Are YOU responsible for inflation?

  • The Guardian
  • Issue #2082
pointed finger

Photo: Rodolpho Zanardo

Inflation! It’s bad, although we’re all up for a pay rise if anyone’s offering (they usually aren’t).

Someone’s to blame, and it can’t be the obscene profits made by the Coles/Woolworths duopoly.  Reserve Bank boss Michele Bullock has claimed that demand for services like haircuts and dentistry are driving up prices, but is she right? The Guardian provides a simple quiz to let YOU decide if you’re the culprit.

Are you a hairdresser?

(Michelle Bullock thinks it’s you, and she runs the Reserve Bank. Try giving customers a complimentary mint.)

Are you a dentist?

(Michelle Bullock thinks it’s you too. Get together with the nearest hairdresser and work something out, also make sure there are copies of the Guardian – the Workers’ Weekly in the waiting room while you’re at it)

Are you a gigantic furniture and electronics retailer who puts working people on the hook for years with special low-interest loan offers?

Hi Gerry Harvey, you’ve still got $16 million of Jobkeeper that you didn’t need. Don’t spend it on anything inflationary, okay?

Are you unemployed or on the Disability Support Pension?

Good news; you’re not causing inflation. You’re off the hook. Bad news; that’s because the rates of your allowance have been kept at below liveable rates because of worries about inflation. The rest of us should shout you a haircut.

Have you recently signed up for a nuclear-powered submarine program you don’t need, but which will make you less independent and less safe?

Yes: you are the Albanese government, but don’t worry, it’s not inflationary, besides which everyone else is paying for it.

No: you are the Australian taxpayer (thanks to GST, we’re all taxpayers), and your social services are going to be gouged to make room for AUKUS. So you’ll need more money. So you’re more motivated to seek wage rises – maybe it is inflationary. Go easy on the haircuts.

Do more than eighty percent of people who need to eat use your  stores?

Hello Coles and Woolworths. You are an inflationary pressure. If only there were billions of dollars in profits you could dip into.

Have you had a wage rise in the last two years?

Lucky you! Also well done to you as a union member. It’s not inflation-causing, but a lot of the media and rich employers will say it is. Ignore them.

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